3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh god the rape fog is back!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
