I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
