I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
