When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
