Define "chronic" masturbator.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize