After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
