I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
