There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You are the jesus of drinking
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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