It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
