she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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