does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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