Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
