Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
