Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
