I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
