I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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