But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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