Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
