Yo dont text me then not text me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
