in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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