I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
