Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
