I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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