So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
