Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
