i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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