I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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