So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
