We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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