So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize