Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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