I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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