i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
