Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
