EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Green mimosas i think yes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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