does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
