my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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