Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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