..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
