Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
