Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am spending my child support on dildos
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
