these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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