Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
