Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
