At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
