Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just cropdusted the office
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
