He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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