3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
