Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
