did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize