i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
