Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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