Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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