you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
