More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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