Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
