She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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