it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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