i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
