The maid of honor just puked.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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