If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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