so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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