first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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