she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
