i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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