this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
