is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have aggressive nipples.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
