dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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