is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
