I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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