the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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